An Italian man, a Frenchman and a Jew are comparing notes on their marital sex lives.  The Italian tells of a time he put olive oil all over his wife’s body and made love to her as she screamed in ecstasy for five full minutes.  The Frenchman counters with a tale of how he rubbed sweet butter all over his wife’s body and made love to her, after which she screamed with delight for a solid twelve minutes.  The Jew then relates how he rubbed schmaltz (chicken fat) all over his wife’s body, made love to her, and then was screamed at for an hour and a half because he wiped his hands off on the drapes.

From “Let There be Laughter” by Michael Krasny