Definition of Schmuck

Feldman comes down to breakfast one morning  He’s sitting at the table having his breakfast.  His wife’s across the table as usual, with the newspaper in front of her.  She suddenly drops the paper, looks at him, and says, “I’m through with you.”

He says, “what are you talking about?  We’ve been married for forty years.”

“Yeah and for forty years you’ve been a schmuck.  The day I met you you were a schmuck;  I just didn’t realize it.  For forty years you’ve been the essence of schmuckness. You’re such a schmuck, you’re the second biggest schmuck in the whole world.”

Feldman says, “If I’m such schmuck, how come I’m only the second biggest schmuck in the world?’

“Because you’re a schmuck.”

From Sam Hoffman with Eric Spiegelman, “Old Jews Telling Jokes”

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