The Heifer Project is Confused by my Donation of a Pomeranian
Mr. and Mrs. Mac Cantrell
622 East B Street
Moscow, ID 83843
United States of America
Dear Mr. and Mrs. Cantrell,
We thank you very much for your past support and for this year’s generous donation. The Northern Indian village which has received the water buffalo in November happened to also receive this December’s gift and via a U.N. translator sends to following message of thanks to you:
Thank you very much for the November gift of the water buffalo. Richard Snyder, in whose name the gift was given, must surely be a generous and loving person. The water buffalo has already given us so much. The children of the village have named the water buffalo Richard Snyder Simbaku. Simbaku is the name of our god of plenty and joy. The milk is plentiful and good. RSS, as we have taken to calling him, is a strong plower of our fields and never complains. RSS defends our other livestock from the leopards which lurk in the surrounding jungle. We look forward to many joyous years with RSS and when he dies his meat will feed our village for an entire winter. We will make clothing out of his hide. We will make children’s toys out of his bones. Nothing will go to waste.
We are, however, confused by the December gift. What is a Pomeranian? We can not think of what to do with this animal. We are also mystified as to why we should pay for this animal. (note from U.N. translator: the price of this animal is equivalent to the entire village’s economic annual economic output) Unlike RSS who we named, this animal came already named. Queenvictoriasnordictreasurethethird seems out of proportion to the size of this creature. Queen, as we taken to calling to her, is not calm nor steadfast. She makes these high pitched sharp noises, sometimes without warning. She scares the children and the livestock. And she has taken to nipping the heels of our waterbuffalo. In fact, she also seems particularly interested in the genitalia of the waterbuffalo. The U.N. translator tells us that American dogs use dried bovine penises as chew toys. Is this true? Why do citizens of such a great and wise country defile their livestock for the sake of placating these small creatures? RSS came with a yoke for our plow. Queen arrived with something called a “Wheeled Dog Carrier Stroller from the Ponte Vecchio Collection.” Is Queen unable to walk? She has no problem chasing our water buffalo.
We have tried to discover the hidden usefulness of Queen. We tried milking her and several of our villagers were injured in the attempt. Apparently, Queen will not be giving us resources for our survival. Our clothes maker has measured the pelt and unfortunately there is not enough hide to make even one article of clothing for our smallest villager. We have asked Heifer International to not send us any more Pomeranians.
Not wanting to appear ungrateful,
Citizens of Shivanehru, India