Jewish Mothers

What is the difference between a Jewish mother and a Rottweiler? Eventually, a Rottweiler will let go.

Aging and Sex

A ninety-year old Jewish man has a fifty-year-old wife. His wife yells to him from upstairs I the bedroom of their house, “Come upstairs and make love to me.” He faintly yells back, “I can’t do both.”

Marital Sex Life

An Italian man, a Frenchman and a Jew are comparing notes on their marital sex lives. The Italian tells of a time he put olive oil all over his wife’s body and made love to her as she screamed in ecstasy for five full minutes. The Frenchman counters with a tale of how he rubbed sweet butter all over his wife’s body and made love to her, after which she screamed with delight for a solid twelve minutes. The Jew then relates how he rubbed schmaltz (chicken fat) all over his wife’s body, made love to her, and then was screamed at for an hour and a half because he wiped his hands off on the drapes.

On Death

A Jew dies and his widow is told she must pay be the word for his obituary in the local newspaper. She submits to the newspaper–“MORT DIED. VOLVO FOR SALE.”

On Divorce

A woman divorces here husband after seventy-five years of marriage. When asked by the judge why she was suing for divorce after three quarters of a century, she exclaimed, “Because enough is enough.”