Chapter 8: Radiant Richard

Let the self loving begin!
This is going to be fun !

I am adorable. I have a gorgeous body; that’s a fifty year old body folks; and I know how to use it. I’m an expert at cuddling, kissing and making love. I move with grace and am particularly graceful when I ski. You know? I would look very good on a Grecian Urn. Oh…. Sound booth people, Christine, after this show is over, let’s be sure to order me up a Grecian Urn with me on it.

Mentally, now that is where I really shine. I am very intelligent. On any project, be it school or work, I succeed. I do my homework and I have the mental capacity to understand problems and solve them. I have a nimble curiosity which helps me to overcome the fear of the new. Therefore, I am just as at ease anesthetizing sick patients, as I am learning how to do Tarot Card readings. I’m just as at ease running complex administrative projects as I am attending a workshop on rope bondage, though the rope bondage was more fun. I’m a good parent and I’m good with money. I have a refreshing ironic wit. I am playful in naming the truth in an East Coast sarcastic way so that what is potentially scary can be enjoyed with humor and lightness.

Emotionally, I am open, vulnerable and supportive. I know how to feel my feelings and how to be present when others are feeling theirs. I value honesty and I live the honest/open path. I cry easily. I cried when Rose gave me her first smile and I still get teary thinking about it. I embarrassed my kids in the movie theater watching Wall E when I cried like a baby at the scene when Wall E was taking care of EVA. I am also courageous. I navigated a divorce, coming out as a gay man in my 40’s with style and flare. And I don’t take myself too seriously.

Spiritually, I am a mystic. I am open to God experiences, and I take them into my life. I hear the simple directions and the music of the Universe. When a vision comes my way, I listen and follow up.

And I am total energy. I juggle career, kids, finances, the Seattle Men’s Chorus, The Work, Religious Science, Body Electric,Tantra Work, organizing and hosting events, and expert skiing with ease. And I have energy left over for more. I never get tired. Medical subspecialists have tried to explain me. I have been evaluated for hyperthyroidism and mania and I don’t have either. It’s just me and it’s adorable !

This self-loving work is going very well. Why didn’t I think of doing this years ago? You know, I would look really good on a Grecian Urn, really really good.

Ummm. Love it! Hmph. Is this where the search ends? Me on a Grecian Urn. Well. I do like it.

But, I’ve been here before. I have been pleased with myself before and it didn’t last. All it takes is one of my special thoughts, such as “I’ll be single and alone the rest of my life,” or here’s a good one, “I’m getting too old,” and I get so sad and scared. Apparently Grecian Urn love is not bullet proof love. Oh. That’s not very pretty. Is this where the search ends?

Wait a minute, I think I sense a Dayenu moment coming on here. Maybe I went about the self-love project in not quite the best way. I thought that self-love was seeing myself from someone else’s point of view and liking what I saw, kind of like seeing a slide show of myself. Perhaps… the Dayenu hint is to look to the inside of me. OK. Let’s give that a try. Looking inwardly, what do I see? what is see is…. Mrs. Gilman What the heck is she doing in there? I knew she was on the hunt for me from outside, but coming at me from the inside. That’s sneaky !

Their search for me from the inside, it’s not only sneaky, it’s subtle. I’ve had three colonoscopies and they’ve never found Mrs. Gilman in there. But she’s in there. When I get quiet and attentive I can sense her. Something is thinking me. Something is moving me. Something is mentoring me and giving me gifts from the inside too. What is this something that is searching for me? Describing it is difficult. But one thing is clear. This Searcher loves me. From the outside, it has given me all those mentors, a butt load of Dayenu hints, and all of you. From the inside, it gives me thoughts, impetus. It moves me and thinks me.

So… while I was on my grand and expensive safari for love, there was another searcher at work. What has that cosmic searcher found? It has found me, Richard Snyder. And… it’s found a second version of me, the Richard who is always changing, who is born anew in every nanosecond. This every changing Divine Richard is hard to describe, but one thing is clear. It exists. I have proof. I have the slides.

Folks, what we have here is a Holy Trinity of me, Divine Me and the Cosmic Searcher. Actually, it’s more of a Holy Three-Way, a cosmic make-out scene in which me, Divine Me and the Cosmic Searcher are in a swirling cosmic dance, a dance of Love. And in my Threeway, like in all good three-ways, it’s working best when all three of love each other, pay attention to each other and don’t leave any of us out, not even me.

Short of putting LSD in the gluten free food you’re about to eat, I’m at a loss on how to explain it better. If this were my HBO series and we arrived at a point where words were not sufficient, we would break into song, like in Glee ! Guess what. I do have a song, but without Glee production values. I’ve never seen a Harmonium on Glee and I probably never will.

A Holy Threeway… so much more fun than a Holy Trinity. Me, the Divine Me, the Cosmic Searcher all in bed with each other. Isch Allah Mahbud Allah. God is Love, Lover and Beloved.

“The flames that dance with love. Beloved be like that to me.”

“The burning, burning within the fire. Beloved be like that to me.”

“The night is dark the lovers are awake. Don’t bother them with thoughts of sleep. They only want to be here with us. Beloved be like that to me.”

“Now that we’ve joined the path of love. We can not sleep through starry night.”

“The tavern drummer beats the drum. Beloved be like that to me.”

Isch Allah, Mahbud Allah. Mahfi Kalbee, Rheallah. (multiple times)

Ecstatic Union. I think I’m starting to get this, Dayenu.

Thank you so much for joining me on this adventure ! Now we get to eat. Please exit out the back and walk across the reception hall for dinner and I will join you.