A Jewish husband is seriously injured in a car crash and is bandaged from head to toe.  His doctor tells him the worst news is that his penis has been completely severed from his body and could not be found in the wreckage.  The man emits horrible sounds of sorrow and loss until the doctor, trying to reassure him, tells him that there is a new artificial penis that is as good as a real one and will not cost him anything.  His insurance will provide ten-thousand-dollars which he can apply to the $10,000 cost of the new penis as well as the necessary surgery.  The only remaining concern, the doctor says, is the fact that there are only two models. One is five inches and the other is the—but the insurance will pay for either.  He only has to choose.  The physician adds, “You obviously will need to consult with your wife.  Five may be too small for her and ten too large.  So ask her and be sure to tell her the insurance will pay for whichever.”  A couple of days go by and the doctor revisits the Jewish husband.  He asks him if he had an opportunity to consult with his wife about which size penis to choose.  The husband says, “Yes.”  The doctor then asks, “the five or the ten?”  The Jewish husband answers, “We’re getting granite countertops.”

From Michael Krasny, “Let There be Laughter”