Dear Mr. Snyder,
Thank you so much for your donation on behalf of our beloved Mac Cantrell. We are well aware of the extreme heroism you exhibited by making this donation. You risked your email and phone to future solicitations from us. And we will do it! You are a hero. Know that about yourself. You have single handedly saved the planet for future ungrateful generations.
Sure Mr. Cantrell has been meeting with congressmen and giving talks on climate change. That pales in comparison to the energy and intention you put into the two minutes it took to make this donation. Sure Mr. Cantrell bought a Tesla and you drive a gas guzzling Subaru. But you mean well. That’s what counts. Do you mean well? Oh, you only think about your own personal needs and what makes your life easiest. No matter, your donation is the awesome-ist donation we have gotten all year.
We will be nominating you for Climate Change Activist of the Year 2020. You will be staying at the Four Seasons in New York City with two tickets to Hamilton and a dinner at One Madison Park. Mr. Cantrell will be making the rounds in the Idaho state capitol, wherever that is. You are both contributing in your own special ways.
Chairman of Citizens’ Climate Lobby Governing Board